A Mysterious Group Project and Lady Gaga

1:56

Today has not been the best day. Hopefully Ralph can cheer me up.

I’ve taken my usual seat in the back. HatBoy is already sitting in the next seat.

1:57
Ralph walked in and got the ball rolling. Ralph means business today.
He is wearing a wonderful robin’s egg blue long sleeve shirt.
Ralph moves right along into the Middle Ages. He is talking about Middle Ages boarding houses.

I do not understand where you are going with this, Ralph.

Ralph decides not to explain. We move on.

2:00

HatBoy has taken off his hat. I don’t know what to do.

2:02

Ralph says you should not make people do things they don’t want to do.

He omits a sign. He says, “Anyway.”
I am not sure what tired him out but his mind must have been racing.

2:05

Ralph asks if anyone in the room does not like pizza.

He asks if anyone has a lethal allergy.

I am happy that Ralph is looking out for us.
A girl in the front says she has a tree nut allergy.
Ralph has never heard of this strange occurrence.

Another boy says his sister is allergic to tree nuts as well.
Ralph is mystified. He moves on.

2:08

Ralph says we will learn about making money online today.
I do not have high hopes, but we shall see.

Ralph says that even though we are smart enough to go to this college, we still do not have any common sense.

Ralph says he is a “cyber-socialist.” Interesting, Ralph.

2:10

I have never been this hungry. This will be a long two hours.

2:11

Ralph says that mental health is a “handicap in his current profession.”
I am not quite sure what this means. Ralph does not explain.

Ralph says that serious things do not make you money on the Internet.

2:13

The scavenger hunt is mentioned again. I am getting excited.

Ralph says that there is a trailer park living in cyber space.
A girl in the front asks him what he means.
Ralph does not explain his answer, but begins to talk about the Zippo lighter app.

The professor next door starts screaming at his class.

2:16

Ralph is curious what you could send into space for $83,000.

Ralph is not quite sure but we don’t look into it.

I mentioned that I use my roommate’s Amazon Prime.
Ralph is ecstatic. He says he has a lot of faith in ne.

He says “Cool!” and sits back down. I am thrilled.

2:20

Ralph wonders if dating websites are making money.
Ralph says that the two main things about your dating profile are your picture and location. Thanks, Ralph.

Ralph says that the better looking you are, the more successful you will be in the corporate world.

2:25
My stomach keeps growling. The professor next door keeps screaming.

Alas, we have begun to talk about the class material. I will be back when we are finished.

2:40

And we’re back. I spent the time on my computer so I’m not sure what happened, but we were definitely learning something.
Ralph tells the class to “Wake up,” so I decide to go back to work. You’re welcome.

Ralph says we look like we need a nap more than anything else. I agree, Ralph.

Ralph says we need to get moving. He decides to place us into our groups. Away from my computer we go.

3:10

We’re back. HatBoy has accidentally kicked me twice now. It may be a code, but I’m not sure.
Ralph had us work in groups on a project that he did not explain. When he asked the first group what they came up with they said “Nothing.”

Ralph understood, and moved on.

Ralph is a huge fan of Lady Gaga. He is positively raving about her.

There is an art major in my class. Ralph is trying to convince her to try nuclear engineering.
The girl is not impressed.

3:20

Ralph is wondering if we listen to any of the music he does.
He asks if we listen to Queen. We do. Ralph is excited.

Ralph says a lot of artists do not understand who their audience is, and who their audience could be. Well said, Ralph.

Ralph is talking about Guardians of the Galaxy. He loved it.

Ralph says that you never know which artists or movies are going to get big.

Well, Ralph seems to be letting us out early today. Goodbye, Ralph.

A blossoming friendship with HatBoy and potato salad

1:55

I take the seat in the farthest corner in the room.
I take out my tea and wait.

Ralph has entered.

Never mind, Ralph left. Bye Ralph.

1:56
Ralph is back! We’re starting early today. There is a lot to cover, obviously.

Ralph walks up to the board.
He writes “How Reality Impacts Internet.” He does not underline it.

Ralph draws and arrow and writes “Money.” Here we go.

Ralph asks how we are doing.

Ralph says we will learn about Money and the Internet today.

Yeah right, Ralph.

1:57

Ralph says we will be going on a scavenger hunt today.

Ralph says he watches movie for company, sometimes.
He tells us about the movie he watched last night.

He does not tell us what movie it is. Ralph has moved on.

Ralph asks if we are aware of the “Potato Salad Kick-Starter Story”

We are not aware, but we look it up. Pretty cool stuff.

2:01

HatBoy is sitting next to me. He answers the kickstarter question

He whispers that he made his comment for the day.

HatBoy and I are on the same page.
I show HatBoy something funny on my computer. He giggles.

Ralph says if we can make something go viral, he will give us an A.

Ralph is back at the whiteboard.
He writes: “Impact, Desirable Outcome”
Ralph writes “Fun factor “on the board. I think Ralph is fun.

We are still talking about Potato Salad.

Ralph calls us out in the back for not talking.
He says if we took a test this morning then we don’t need to talk. 

None of us took tests but we decide still to not talk.
The boy across from me raises his hand.
He says, “Potato Salad.”
I do not know what the question was but Ralph approves.

2:08

The girl to the right of me mentions “Donkey Bingo.”
It is about donkeys and pooping. We swiftly move on.

Ralph points out that Band field trips are notoriously unsupervised.

I mention my school band’s mattress sale.
Everyone’s head whips around. I do not usually speak. I do not like this pressure.
Ralph thinks my answer is humorous.

2:14

Ralph polls the class. How many of us have sold something door to door?

He thinks it is painful.

Ralph mentions video games with special effects.
Ralph asks if we watch a lot of old movies with special effects.

Ralph reminisces of an old train action movie he loves.
He thinks the movie is “really cool.”
Ralph asks if there are any hard-core gamers here.

There are a couple.

Ralph leaves this topic.

2:23

Ralph says he wants us to feel comfortable talking about our family and friends.

Where are you going with this, Ralph?

RALPH MENTIONS TELANOVELAS.

I am dying, but I don’t speak.
I could school anyone in telanovelas. 

Ralph thinks NCIS is basically a soap opera.

He asks if anyone has ever watched a telanovela.
I do not speak, but I wish to.

Ralph asks if any of us watch TV on a regular basis.

No one in the room responds.

Either no one watches TV or they are observing as I am.

Ralph is very passionate about soap operas.
He finds them “interesting.”

2:30

It has only been a half hour.
I make a sound as to agree with Ralph. HatBoy looks over at me.

HatBoy has been texting this whole time.

HatBoy gets a huge grin on his face. I am curious as to the cause.

It was not Ralph, I’m sure.

I wonder if Ralph knows why I am constantly typing.

Ralph is still talking about soap operas. This may be Ralph’s favorite topic.

2:35

Ralph asks what kind of emotions the Internet supports.
He says “sarcasm.” I agree with you, Ralph.

Ralph thinks the best way to break up with someone is through email.

Come on, Ralph.
He says it is because people do not swear in emails.

Ralph is now directing his lecture towards me.

I maintain eye contact, but continue to type.

We are talking about Fantasy Football now.
Ralph does not know much about Fantasy Football.

He decides to move on.

2:38

Here we go. Human sexuality.

Ralph says there used to be a t-shirt at RPI that said, “Sex Kills, Come to [My College] and Live Forever.” I will not tell you my college. I respect Ralph too much. 

Ralph thinks the loss of a sense of humor is the first step in a decline.

Ralph says, “Let’s go back to money.”

Yes let’s, Ralph.

Ralph begins to talk about his cell phone plan.
Only twenty bucks a month. Wow, Ralph.

Ralph swings the conversation around to Target.

He advises us not to use our debit cards online. Solid advice, Ralph.

2:46

Tetris break. I will be back soon.

2:57

We’re back. Ralph did not notice me playing tetris.

HatBoy tried to see what I was doing, but I shielded myself.
I do not want to taint our blossoming friendship with my tetris-lameness.

It is approximately one degree in this classroom.

Ralph is curious what the abbreviation of China is.

The class responds. It is CN. Interesting.

3:00

I cannot believe it has only been an hour.

Ralph says Twitter is not making money.
I disagree. Ralph is not budging.

HatBoy is coming in clutch.
He googled it, and I seem to be right.

HatBoy has got my back. Fist pound. 

We do not actually fist pound, but I want to.

3:08

We’re getting into groups for an activity.

HatBoy asks to be in my group.

He asks what I have been doing all class.

He says I’ve been “typing away.”
I tell him. He thinks it is funny.

3:15
We’re starting a group project. I will recap later.

Update: I do not know what our group project was on. No one seemed to know. Ralph decided not to explain so we sat in our groups and talked about our favorite social media apps. 

­

Some questions he doesn't answer and a story without a moral

2:13
Ralph begins by polling who can speak a foreign language.
Many raise their hands. One speaks Spanish. Ralph is impressed.
Ralph asks us about popular actors in our generation.
He is surprised to know Brad Pitt is still an actor.
Ralph goes back to Spanish – he thinks there is a problem with Google Translate.
Ralph is sure we will soon have a driverless car, but doesn't understand why there are cars in California. Ralph doesn't think the Chinese should have cars either.
Our Chinese students begin to argue. Ralph moves on.

2:20
Ralph is confused by the differences of crosswalk etiquette in California and New York. Me too, Ralph.
Ralph polls the class. He enjoys this. He wonders if there are any science fiction fans.
Not too many. Ralph is disappointed.
The girl next to me has posed an interesting historical question about Ender’s game and its context.
Noble is troubled.  There are apparently eight volumes.
Ralph moves on. He notes that the Spartan training was a way of life. You had no choice when you were a child.
Ralph again takes a poll. Anyone listen to country or western songs?
There are only five plots in country western songs, says Ralph.
One more question. Do we watch procedural crime shows on the TV? We do. Ralph moves on.

2:27
Ralph goes to the chalkboard and writes “Awareness.”  He underlines it.
Ralph does not like Shakespeare. He thinks he stole all of his work from other people.
Ralph notes that if you go to Europe, there’s more sex on TV. In America it’s anger.
He thinks anger is more powerful. I think Ralph is getting angry. Maybe hangry.
Ralph has yet to find an accurate depiction of a decapitation on the internet. Me too, Ralph.

2:31
Statistically speaking, Ralph agrees that showers are risky.
I am making tremendous eye contact with the boy across from me. He is wearing a hat.
HatBoy also thinks this is ridiculous, and keeps giggling.
Ralph is horrified with the frequency of the printing of textbook sales.

2:33
Ralph writes “Existence of Content” and underlines it.
He thinks many of us have lived sheltered lives.
Ralph agrees that his life has been sheltered.
We show Ralph our Prezi. 
Ralph is confused by my group’s Prezi.
My partner also made a Prezi for her high school Prom and Ralph watches that too.
Ralph insists that this classroom is a great place to make mistakes. I agree, Ralph.
The Asian professor next door is screaming through the wall.
“The American Civil War was really scary,” says Ralph.
Ralph is evaluating the problems with our weapons in the Civil War.
I admit, Ralph knows positively everything about everything.

2:40
Ralph asks the boy next to me a question about the history of computer coding.
The boy does not know. Ralph is baffled.
Ralph does not answer the question, but instead continues.
‘Young people have infinite metabolisms,’ says Ralph.
McDonalds is a real estate company, not a food company, states Ralph.
Ralph is a big fan of the business strategies of McDonalds.
Ralph likes Burger King food better, but thinks McDonalds has better locations.

2:47
Ralph asks girl in the front where she wants to work when she is older.
The girl does not answer. Ralph moves on.
Ralph doesn’t want Co-Op’s to jeopardize our chances of financial aid.
Ralph is impressed with the Chinese bureaucracy.
Ralph says he was “young-ish” during the Chinese Cultural Revolution.
Ralph is curious if we have taken the SAT’s. He thinks the ACT’s are “weird.”

2:54
Ralph is not a big fan of Putin.
He is, however, impressed with  the intelligence of Soviet spies.
Ralph is advising us to homeschool our children. He thinks of this as his best advice.
Ralph is advising us on how to murder someone.
He says we need to make sure there is no evidence left behind. Or else, go to a town where they cant afford to test for those things. Thanks, Ralph.

2:57
Ralph writes “Understanding” on the board. He underlines it.
Ralph does not think that organic food can feed the world.
Ralph asks me a question. Here we go.
He is wondering how I could pass a calculus test without understanding calculus.
I tell him about my calculus test.
HatBoy jumps in and gives his feedback.
Ralph enjoys our answer. I giggle.

3:00
Fifty minutes left.
Ralph is wondering if we could do math with roman numerals.
I think of the Big Rig song. I do not bring it up.
The hunting/gathering lifestyle is something Ralph thinks you may do on a vacation.
The HatBoy is looking at me and smiling. I think he is trying to communicate something.
I have successfully taken off all of my nail polish.
I ask a math question as Ralph's back is turned. Ralph is surprised.
Ralph does not answer my math question but instead swings the topic to Psychology.

3:09
Ralph writes “Mastery” on the board. He underlines it.
Ralph seems sad that no one goes to the library anymore.
A boy near me cracks a joke. The room chuckles. Ralph informs white-shirt boy that he will go on to graduate school.
Ralph has decided to go back to my question. He decides again to not answer it.
Ralph says we are here to educate ourselves. Good point Ralph.
Ralph is nodding and thinking to himself.
“Life is far too short to think about negative stuff.” Ralph thinks we have an anger addiction.
Ralph has pulled a chair out. He has grown tired of sitting on top of his desk.
Ralph does not think geeks like firing people.
Ralph seems to be thinking of letting us go early today.
He is wondering if we have any tests this week. How considerate.
Just kidding. He seems to want us to stay.

3:20
Ralph is curious what calculus is good for. He does not seem to like calculus.
Ralph is also not a big fan of high school math teachers. He says he has had a bad a bad math teacher.
Ralph really likes photography, he tells us.
“High schools is where you learn about status and dating,” says Ralph. Well said, Ralph.
Ralph is weakening. He wants to get out of here.
Ralph says he needs his trees trimmed but he doesn’t know what to search for on Google.
I offer my advice – “Hedge Trimming.”
Ralph is impressed. He says he didn’t search that.
Ralph says he’ll tell as a story and then let us go..
He is talking about his friend, who has a degree in “Church Music.”
Ralph thinks this was a career disaster.
There seems to be no moral to this story.
Ralph says this is our life to shape. Thank you, Ralph.

Ralph says that the topic for the next class is “Money and the Internet.” 
We shall see, Ralph.